Mother's Day

Mom,

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I felt absolutely ridiculous. When you were still here I would get anxiety over this holiday. I spent so much time being angry at you that I had the hardest time trying to find you a card. I always went with the basic "Happy Mother's Day" crap because all of the mushy ones just weren't me. I'm sorry. I should have gotten you the mushy cards. You were always open with your feelings and I always was and am just a closed door. I don't do it; I can't do it. What a hypocrite I am. All those years feeling anxious over this holiday and now I feel sad that you aren't here. I didn't deserve you.

Tomorrow is your birthday. You would have been 55. I can say it out loud but I can't really think about it. I'm afraid if I do, I will quite literally fall apart.

I love you,
Rochelle